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Mayday, Miss Marcy! Burnout Blues, Left Out, Hand Me Downs
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Last time, we had a real doozy of an article, so I highly suggest you go check it out before we dive in to this weeks batch of three.
Burning Out, Again
Dear Burnt,Dear Miss Marcy,
I know you've answered questions about this topic before and it isn't the most original one, but I'm currently suffering from pretty severe burn out with my hobbies. I will preface it by saying that I know I am not suffering from clinical depression, at least not being any more or less depressed than other people are given the state of the world right now, so this is really just me having trouble engaging my hobbies and not a loss of interest in things due to some other circumstances. I kind of wish it were, because that would be easier to solve.
I just don't find myself enjoying hobbying anymore. Painting is a chore, building is an absolute pain, and playing is often a lot of work for very little pay off. I could be rude and blame my opponents, but even though our games are often fairly engaging but I just don't seem to find spending the huge amount of hours on traveling back and forth and playing a few games once or twice a week that rewarding. I don't really know if you have a solution, or suggestion, and I think I'd even accept move on.
Burnt on Both Sides
Sometimes I tend to wonder if people write in to this column knowing the answer and wanting to see if I tell them the answer back to them, sort of as a form of indirect confirmation of what they are already thinking, or similar to going to a fortune teller, believing that it is hogwash, and then getting the 'answer' you wanted all along. To borrow the phrase of a famous shirt: Dump Him.
Now, you might think it strange for me to tell a reader to dump their hobby (especially since this website relies on readers engaging in hobbying to read it), but what I am getting from Burnt is the stage of mourning that is just slightly off of acceptance. It sounds like you've gone through many of the others, and your comments did not include anything in them that tells me you are actually enjoying what you do anymore. If anything, this is how people talk about their job, not their hobby, and if your hobby feels like work, it is probably time to move on.
I don't think moving on means you have to toss everything to the street and never look at it again, but I think a change in priorities is good. Stages of life happen, and stages of hobbying happen. I am a lifelong voracious reader, but there are big periods in which I barely want to read anything and sometimes I can go an entire year without reading anything more difficult than a Shonen Jump manga, and then a year later devour 30 books in a single month. Having multiple hobbies is important and allows us to experience variety, and if you think you are burnt out on miniatures, move on, Burnt. You can find something else; it doesn't even have to be in this sphere. There are so many things you could do with your time, I am sure you will find something you like, but it doesn't help you to force yourself to do something you don't want to do anymore.
Left Out in the Rain
Dear Left Out,Miss Marcy,
Lately I've been having issues where my gaming group and friends have been leaving me out of things. I noticed this because I started seeing posts in our group chat and discord about things that I never knew were happening, like people asking about bringing things over, picking up food, results of games, and when I would ask what they were talking about, I got pretty short answers that it was about something that happened while I "wasn't available". The thing is, I work a very time consuming job and I am less free than the rest of my friends are, and I have had to often turn down invitations to things or say that I couldn't make them due to being tired or having obligations elsewhere like at home. I feel kind of bad seeing them not even bother to ask me, but I want to know if I should say something?
Left Out in a Field of Their Own
This is one of those questions that I wish to know ages for in terms of the people involved, not to sound like a Reddit AITA thread or something, but there are two guesses I have here: you and your friends (I use this term lightly, more on that in a second) you and your friends are fairly young, like 18 to mid-20s young, or slightly older, like 30 but not 40. Why do I guess this? Because both of these groups tend to exclude people who they feel are "too busy" for them often, and usually don't do so in a graceful way. Younger people especially tend to just lack the social awareness and at times may even resent the "busy" person because you aren't available for them; older groups just lack the time to spare and will simply just focus on doing what accomplishes what they want done (Feel free to crucify me for these unfair assumptions in the comments).
The thing is, those are both excuses: what is really happening is that your "friends" are too rude to bother to do this talking either where you can't see it, or having the kindness to ask you if you can or would like to attend, even if they know the answer. The fact is that your busy schedule and obligations do obviously need to come first to you, and your friends should be aware of those things. No one wants to work 40 hours a week, or have deep and often frustrating obligations that prevent them from "slacking off", and that should be a fairly easy to understand concept that yet eludes numerous social groups. Your friends are jerks for excluding you to your face, and you should speak up. You could even just say, "I know I am often busy and unavailable but I would appreciate if you could ask me if I could attend, because maybe if I have some time I can still drop by and hang out". You can be as polite as you like; if it were me, I'd probably pick a word that starts with "F" and ends with "K" and follow it with "You", but your enjoyment of burning wooden infrastructure may vary.
Hand Me Down Hobby Etiquette
Dear Unc,Marcy,
I'm a bit of an older gamer and my siblings have recently had their kids come to an age in which they are looking to have hobbies. I don't have any kids of my own, but I've noticed that one of my nephews has expressed interest in Warhammer after seeing my models when they have visited. I am reaching an age in which I have far too many models and far too much plastic to really ever use all of it effectively, but I am wondering if you have any advice on etiquette for handing down used models? I know his parents have often stressed budgetary concerns for something like this, and his other siblings don't have the same interest, so I am worried it may look like favoritism.
Confused Unc
I think your idea is really sweet. If your nephew shows interest in the hobby, there's nothing wrong with making him a little gift package; perhaps you can avoid the fear of it seeming like favoritism if you save it for some sort of event or reward, something like a Birthday, Christmas, Hannukah, etc? I think a little favoritism is also fine in this instance, just in that you are giving him something that he finds interesting and you can do with him; if his siblings are uninterested either by age or otherwise, then there really isn't anything that wrong with it.
I would say that maybe it would be better to talk to his parents about how you'd be happy to give him stuff to get started with, and that there wouldn't be much money involved; you are going to have to accept that your models you hand over are likely to get destroyed in the way children destroy things even by accident, so you also better be damn sure you don't want those models ever again. If you do have piles of plastic laying around and can part with an army or starter kit of some sort to get him into things, then by all means go for it; at the very least, invite him to maybe spend some time with you playing the game or painting to see if he really likes it, or just thinks you have cool "toys", before you worry about handing him 2000 points of Space Marines.
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